Proximity Butterfly (变色蝴蝶)

A quizzical notion, to run, to hide from a
thing that is always you. Yet people believe this hiding at first like a drag
or indulgence of potions, is an answer; an answer that functions as long as the
supply of potion doesn’t become exhausted.

But imagine. Wonder, what a departure from
one’s own habits- in relation to this “running away”- means. (Because we can’t
run away from ourselves, does this mean that our self-exploration is the
equivalent to a self-abandonment? I hardly think so. A twirl of logic for a
moment lets us in closer on the deceptive fulcrum of these leading
impli9cations of self and running away, giving you the impression that running
away is altogether a negative thing…)

When I must get up in the morning for example,
my condition is: of a series of responsibilities I have to various people,
things, and the many emotions attached to them. I don’t have to get up. No situation will force me out of bed, as a dry
farm forces that farm’s family into hunger. There are currently embrace no conditions or consequences to which I am unable
to survive against. I therefore depend upon my imagination, belief, sense of
responsibility, and most importantly, the source
of my sense. I get up in the morning knowing that from a deep and laboriously
discovered sensation of security and stability, that getting up will inevitably
produce another condition upon which the active
participation in my own life becomes more morally correct than my passive participation. I know, with
utmost certainty, that this active
condition will arise when I get up and likewise its opposite if I choose not to
get up. Yet nothing forces me. Nothing moves me. Nothing makes me feel as
though my choices are overwhelming. Nothing sends me into paralysis.

Due to arduous experimentation,
self-criticism and meditation I feel as though I am able to view a very broad
scope of my ‘self’, what I do when I am not motivated or inspired or taken by
any feelings of salvation or resolve. The observation of myself has allowed me
also to know how I react to certain situations and more crucially, how my reactions
evolve as I condition myself out of reactions I believed before were lacking
conscience. So, I actually study and learn about my reactions as I am “running
away from myself” and gauge those reactions to mold them into less passive,
more active reactions, resulting in more active habits. As architects must run
from the ground to build their ceilings, so too must a man walk away from his
foundations if he is to construct a self he will not merely imagine himself
away from.

Build… build… build…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 5th, 2006 at 9:58 pm and is filed under Books, Butterflies, Music, Religion, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.